I didn’t sign up for the freelance blogging course I mentioned in my previous post after all. I really meant to. My checkbook is still sitting on my desk. I started the purchase process several times, but soot kept happening. Cats to feed. Emails to answer. Internet burps.
After two days of this, I checked my ephemeris to make sure it wasn’t all down to the mercury retrograde (nope – it’s direct again). Could it be the solar flares? Probably not. If I was finding this many reasons not to do something that would take 5 minutes, I obviously had doubts about my plan. But were they valid doubts, or the undermining kind?
One doubt was financial. “Affordable” is a relative term, and what it’s relative to right now is an income that’s going to taper off into financial disaster in about 6 weeks, so every penny counts. Could I get the same information with more work and less money?
I started reading posts, and following links to other writer blogs, and pretty soon the rest of the problem became apparent. The particular path being advocated by this particular mentor did not align with my goals. But I knew this. I just said it in a post I wrote yesterday. So why is it a revelation today? Why on earth am I so dense about my own thoughts and feelings?!
That’s a rhetorical question, which I’m just putting out there in case you, dear reader, have ever felt the same way. I actually have a pretty good idea of why, but it’s a long sad story, to which I do not yet have a happy ending, so let’s skip that for now. I know that post yesterday was a marathoner, and I want to go easy on you today :)
Remember when I said I was going to sign up for the course because I felt it was time to do something and I didn’t have a better plan? Well, I hadn’t tried very hard to find a better plan. It turned out not to be that difficult.
While trying to avoid the “almost, but not really” trap, I applied caution too broadly. It’s one thing to ask yourself if something really hits the spot when making decisions about actions. However, in the research and exploration phase, “close” is a good place to be, since it is probably in the same neighborhood as what you are actually looking for. The trick is to intensify searching at that point instead of confronting yourself with a lose-lose scenario of “this wrong thing, or nothing” when the first thing you find isn’t the exactly right thing.
I’m going to get methodically analytical for a minute and see what happens.
Spend most of my time writing about the stuff I am most interested in on my three existing blogs, plus one more that I’ve been thinking about for awhile but haven’t launched yet.
PROBLEM TO BE SOLVED
How to do above + pay the bills.
OPTIONS TO RESEARCH
- Ways for the blogs themselves to generate income without turning them (or me) into something I don’t want them (or me) to be.
- Paying jobs with a whole lot of uninterrupted down time and an employer who doesn’t mind me working on personal projects. Security guard? Bridge-tender? Overnight babysitter?
Research option 1. Find accounts of other people with the same goal, and how they reached it.
Research option 2. Call security companies and conduct informational interviews about guard work. Specific points to check: Is it OK if I work on my own stuff? Are assignments that would suit my needs common? How many hours would I need to work to meet my financial needs, and how many of those could I spend on writing? Look into bridge-tending positions. Who hires for those? What qualifications do bridge-tenders need? How often are there openings? Find out where parents look for childcare help, what they are looking for in skills and experience, and the going hourly rate range.
Hey, that actually works. I have a new plan, which is both cheaper, and designed to get me closer to what I actually want to do!
I’m sharing this with you because it’s a great example of almost quitting too soon, an oft-mentioned issue for HSPs, and one that liberally peppers the landscape of my own history. As you can see, for me it takes the form of confusion about my instincts, and knowing when and how to apply them. I’d be really interested in hearing whether other HSPs experience something similar (or something different), and what they do about it.